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[Shebi Ajava]

"We do not ask that you blindly follow the path of the Jedi."

"We do ask Padawan to trust in our wisdom, to learn from our teachings, and over time to take on growing responsibilities. Some padawan have a mental maturity belied by their physical appearance, and they might take on responsibilities that seem beyond their years. Sometimes the council sends padawan on a mission that is seemingly beyond them, yet is necessary for their development. We trust in the Force to guide us in such matters.

With such personal growth comes the questioning of one's place in the universe. The questioning of the values that you have been thought by the Order. This is natural, and we have al experienced this and have ended up a better Jedi Padawan for it. But even then, certain dark knowledge and experiences can be of great influence on the mind of a padawan, not yet trained to maintain their identity in the face of overbearing darkness.

"Once a padawan has shown a level of maturity and growth that shows their strength of character and resolve, they are sent on a quest. Through their actions and their understanding of the Force the padawan proves that they are ready to become a Jedi Knight."


"You are still a Padawan. But the fact that you have taken time to think about your place in the universe and discuss your findings openly with us shows me that you are growing."

Ajava closed her eyes for a moment.

"It is good that you do not have the intention to become a Sith, but the dark side is seductive. Even those intending to only learn to better protect themselves from the dark side have fallen to it. I understand that you feel you must learn about the dark side to better understand your place in the universe.

You are free to leave the Order and find your own way. But is it not better to benefit from our collective insight and wisdom to learn to resist the dark side?

Show us that you have the strength of character to withstand such knowledge."

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

Nathan remained quiet for a few moments, thinking about what Master Shebi just said.

"I do not think my ideas are wrong, but I have seen enough to know wisdom should be heeded." He finally said.

"If the council allows it, I will continue my training to become a Jedi. I'll see what crossroads my Great Journey holds along that path."

[Shebi Ajava]

"Nor did we say your ideas are wrong."

"The council will allow you to continue your training."

[Jedi Master Qun Treen]

Jedi master Qun Treen nodded his approval, and subtly glanced at the other Jedi masters to see their reaction.

[Jedi Master Monifa]

Master Monifa also nodded in approval.

[Storyteller (Brend)]

The other Jedi masters also nodded in approval of Nathan's intention to continue his training.

((OOC: This concludes the Jedi Council part of this thread. Ajava plans on seeking out Nathan a short while after this meeting (as discussed OOCly); I'll let Nathan's player set the scene in the next post so I know what the environment is when Ajava finds Nathan.))

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

After his meeting with the Council Nathan headed for one of the small kitchens, intended for those Jedi who preferred to cook their own meals. A quick consultation with the kitchen staff to secure ingredients and he was already chopping up vegetables.

He cut with a machinelike speed, but didn't pay a lot of attention to his work. Metalic pings could be heard as the knife struck his metal fingers. He didn't notice until one of the other people in the kitchen pointed out he was making the knife dull. At which point Nathan apologised and said he would sharpen the knife when he was done.

Nathan was cutting meat when Master Shebi Ajava came looking for him. A few others were still present in the kitchen.

[Shebi Ajava]

"Padawan Asillion", she started, "I am glad that you have decided to stay and heed the council's wisdom."

She looks on for a while in silence as Nathan cuts the meat with a machine-like quality.

"Do not interpret my harsh reactions in the council as a dismissal of your insights.

I feel that your ideas about an individual's relation with the Force are not completely without merit. It is too early for me to say whether I agree with your philosophy, but I think it merits further exploration. One such form of exploration is discussing your ideas with another, to see how their experiences and views align with those of your philosophy."

"You state that you wanted to explore the dark side. I think you did so because you want to achieve this balance, and that you intuitively felt that to find balance, you must know the extremes between which you wish to move. Am I correct?"

Ajava's tone was remarkably neutral as she spoke, deliberately removing any possibility that her tone would influence the answer.

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

Nathan looked up from his work when Master Shebi spoke to him. He thought a moment before answering.

"Yes, that is correct. It's like I've seen only one side of a scale, but to balance that scale I need to see both sides."

He ignored the looks he got from the other people in the kitchen. The fact Master Shebi said he had expressed a wish to explore the dark side would probably not endear him with other jedi. He knew, however, that most jedi would not jump to conclusions and judge him by his actions.

Nathan continued to cut the meat. The amount of meat compared to the amount of vegetables was somewhat disproportionate. At least it would be from a humans point of view, Astrians had more meat in their diet. He also didn't remove bits of bone he came across.

"Master, I hope you don't mind if I continue cooking while we talk. I haven't eaten anything for about three weeks, so I'm a little hungry. At least, I assume you wish to discuss this further."

[Shebi Ajava]

Ajava takes notice of the looks Nathan receives, but simply continues on in her neutral tone.

"I do mind.", she states.

"This is not a topic that is discussed as an aside to other activities. It deserves attention and much circumspection. Besides, the kitchen is not the proper place for such a discussion."

For a moment she looks at the ingredients he is cutting.

"Come find me in the observation tower when you are done eating."

Ajava leaves the Astrian padawan so he can fill his belly. She goes up to the observation tower and turns off the lights. The view of Unity City is nice from here. More importantly, being up here, in the spacious round room with enormous transparasteel windows on all sides, means that you are somewhat removed from the normal going-ons in the Jedi temple. Few people come up here without purpose, and the trek upwards with the sole elevator in the middle of the thin tower seems to go on forever until you reach the observation room.

Here, she sits down on the floor, and waits for Nathan.

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

"Of course, master." Nathan replied. Master Shebi only had to wait about half an hour before the astrian jedi arrived.

With hunger no longer on his mind Nathan had a moment to let his mind wander as he waited for the elevator to deliver him to the top of the observation tower. He thought of his sisters for the first time in almost a year, his time in the military, his faith and the conversation he had with a Traveller a long time ago.

He snapped out of his thoughts as the elevator arrived. As he stepped into the observation room his ocular implant adjusted automatically to the lack of light. Not that he needed his eyes to know were Master Shebi was. A jedi as powerful as Shebi Ajava was hard to miss for anyone capable of using the Force even if they were only on Nathan's level, at least if they weren't actively hiding themselves.

Bowing respectfully Nathan greeted Master Ajava. "Master."

[Shebi Ajava]

Thought his ocular implant adjusted itself automatically, there was no actual need to do so.

Ajava turns to face him, and motions for the padawan to approach and sit down as well.

If he sits down, Nathan would realize that behind Ajava the lights and busy hovercar lanes of Unity city show a complex pattern. Blinking, moving and pulsing lights dance around throughout the city. So much so that, if not for Nathan's implant, Ajava's body would contrast with the lit up backdrop as being a shape so utterly dark, that no light even touches it.

Of course, neither Jedi had a problem actually perceiving the room and it's contents. But the stark contrast between the blinking city and Ajava's silhouette of darkness was jarring.

"If you see a light side to the force, there seems to be no possibility to not also find a dark side of the force. And every Jedi that has seen the light side comes into contact with the dark side one way or another.", Ajava speaks softly, as if not to disturb the calm of the city.

She was silent for a moment.

"You have asked about the dark side. Before we continue, I would like to determine your experience with it up till now."

"Have you ever been so angry that your actions no longer felt like yours alone, padawan?", she asks with a soft voice.

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

Nathan sits down, taking in the view with great interest.

He quietly thinks a moment before answering Master Shebi's question.

"I'm not a very emotional person, master. I control my emotions, not the other way around."

Nathan paused a moment.

"That said, I'd be lying if I said I've never acted out of anger. Though I never felt as if something else was in control of my actions, even if I didn't quite understand those actions afterwards."

"Master, why does the council seem to fear the dark side? Does fear not lead to the dark side?"

[Shebi Ajava]

"Interesting.", was all Ajava replied to Nathan's elaboration his acts out of anger.

"The council does not fear the dark side. We are wary for it. There is a difference."

"I'm afraid that it is not as simple as following a few simple rules. While it is indeed said that fear leads to the dark side -- in many ways it is more accurate to say that fear can lead you to consider the power of the dark side."

"What did you feel after you determined that you did not understand your actions afterwards?"

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

((OOC: Sorry for the late reply. This thread completely slipped my mind.))

"I was confused." Nathan replied.

"I didn't understand why I acted that way. I also didn't understand how I did what I did."

"I did things that should have been impossible, but it never felt unnatural or wrong."

"Master, could I have unknowingly used the Force back then?"

[Shebi Ajava]

Ajava had something to say about unnatural or wrong feelings, but decides that the other avenue of discussion is more important for now.

"Can you unknowingly use the Force now?", Ajava replies to Nathan's question. "Or more precisely, do you think that you could at this moment use the Force without knowing that you did so?"

"Let's say that you could not. Would that not prevent you from feeling danger in your future? Or do you think that you are constantly actively and knowingly trying to detect danger?"

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

"I don't think I could use the Force without knowing now." Nathan said after thinking a moment.

"But that doesn't prevent me from feeling fear, nor do I want it to. Fear helps to avoid unnecessary risk and can help you focus."

"Master, the Jedi and the Sith both study the Force. The Sith study it for power, why do the Jedi study it?"

[Shebi Ajava]

Ajava listened to Nathan's question before replying.

"In interesting question that betrays an interesting assumption, but one that should be remember for later. The topic of fear and the Force is not yet finished, I think."

"There are many interesting facets to discuss about your answer, but most of them are for another time. Right now, we need to talk about fear and danger. As this is integral to understanding the Sith as well, it is important to make the distinction between the two."

"I asked you about feeling danger, and you respond with not being prevented to feel fear. Yet feeling danger and feeling fear are different things. The first is simply acknowledging that there is something that threatens your wellbeing, the latter couples this with biological processes and a psychological bias towards certain actions.

Fear also leads you to misestimate risks, and forget that your observations are biased, it leads you to subjective judgements. So even while it might help you focus, it will also help you focus on the wrong things.

People can be fearful of many things. Fearful of things that are imaginary, or fearful of things that simply are unchangeable. Fearful of others and fearful of loneliness, sometimes even at the same time."


"The Force does not make this easier for us. Jedi and Sith alike are more accutely aware of their environment, more capable of understanding the dangers that the universe can pose. This makes it easy to be fearful. Easy to think that we must grow stronger to protect ourself, or our loved ones. This fear irrationally feeds itself, as there is always a new threat. The stronger you become, the more dangerous these threats are.

Feeling danger is different. Acknowledging there is a threat, and letting it affect your thoughts are two different things. Being acutely aware of all threats around you does not have to lead to fearing them. Only once you accept that there will always be things beyond your control, you realize that it does not matter how powerful you are."


"Think on this for a moment. We are in no hurry, and I would like to know if you see the connection with your new question."

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

((OOC: ahem...

Clear!))

Nathan quietly thought on Master Ajava's words for a while.

"Master, are you saying the Jedi study the Force to combat this danger? While the Sith study it to combat their fear? Does this not mean both the Jedi and the Sith are after power?"

[Shebi Ajava]

"That is certainly one way of interpreting what I said.", master Shebi paused for moment, "Thoght it is not exactly what I meant."

""There will always be danger, no matter how powerful you are." is not meant to state that we are ever growing more powerful to combat this danger. As Jedi, we eventually understand that it does not matter how powerful one is."

"As a padawan you will experience danger, and you learn to cope with the dangers you encounter. Be these dangers originating in the outside world, or dangers originating from inside yourself. Dangers from the outside world come in many forms. Those that attack you to prevent you from attaining your goal, arbitrary events that put you in mortal danger, and even simple things like lightsaber training. Dangers from within likewise take many forms. Anxiety, hubris, not knowing what one does not know, or not knowing the limits of one's capacities. These are all dangers for some."

"As a Jedi knight you will still experience dangers from the outside, but these will simply be of a different scale. The dangers from inside yourself have change with your personality. Many Knights grow more stable over time, acknowledging the limits of their personality — the flaws of their ego, and most of time little things that they themselves perceive as flaws of personality that are not necessarily flaws. Yet as a knight, you will still face dangers from inside yourself. Doubt of yourself can lead to fearfulness, questions about the nature of the universe can lead one to doubt the impact of one's actions, but anxiety and hubris are not simply gone."

"Even as a Jedi Master one will experience dangers from the outside, but again of a different scale. The dangers from inside yourself still lurk. Many Jedi Masters eventually overcome many of the smaller dangers that affect padawan, accepting some of their flaws as being an integral part of their being that they can not deny, nor have to accept.", she lets out a small laugh, "Even we are fallible, and we experience doubt of ourselves, we doubt our choices, and we do still feel anxiety."

"Note that there is one constant here: no matter how powerful the Jedi, there is always danger. Growing more powerful only helps protect you from the dangers from without, not those that originate within."

She breathes in, holds he breath for a moment and slowly breathes out.

"It is true that we can grow more powerful through training, and that this will help us overcome whole classes of physical dangers. But in doing so, we expose ourselves to new, more dangerous classes of physical dangers. And the more powerful we become, the more dangerous the dangers from within become relative to those from outside. And they will always be there.

So, it does not matter how powerful you are. For all the great power the Jedi wield, no Jedi is ever truly safe."


"So, let's see about answering your question about why the Jedi study the Force.

To start with, answer me this: Are you after power?"

The tone with which Ajava asks the questions betrays no judgemental intentions, but does imply that there will be follow-up questions.

[Nathan Miodrass Asillion]

"I am." Nathan replied. "Not for myself, but for others. To better protect people."

The clear determination in his tone of voice was amplified by the determination in his posture and expression.

There was something behind that determination, barely observable. A hint of weariness or perhaps even fear, about what he would have to do to protect people.

[Shebi Ajava]

"So you wish to grow more powerful not for your own gain, but to protect people. Good."

"Which people do you want to protect?"

[Shebi Ajava]

As Nathan was deep in thought, the lights in the tower were turned on by someone. A few moments later, a Jedi padawan arrived at the top of the tower.

He made a bow to the two Jedi present before speaking: "Master Shebi, the council is convening."

Ajava looks at Nathan. "We shall continue our discussion some other time.", she states before heading down with the elevator.